Ugly People Need Not Apply

For those of us seeking a quick ego boost – steer away from BeautifulPeople.com.

The elite online dating service echoes the sweet melodies of unmitigated eugenics, vowing to protect gorgeous men and women from the lesser attractive populace. Potential members first must apply with a photo and a brief profile. They then must endure the next 48 hours while existing members cast their votes to determine whether or not the applicant in question will be admitted into their exclusive community. The voting system is justly democratic, and members rate upon a highly sophisticated scale, selecting from the following values: ‘Yes, definitely’, ‘Hmm yes, OK’, ‘Hmm no, not really’ and ‘NO definitely NOT’. The majority vote is final, and individuals who fail to impress are promptly rejected. These applicants must then come to terms with their supposed inadequacies, and the site’s creators have reported various death threats from disgruntled hopefuls. Nevertheless, regular people can browse through registered profiles and photographs – to look but not touch – pressing their noses up against their screens like a child peering into a candy shop. Members can enjoy benefits such as invitations to glamorous parties, approaches by leading film and television companies, potential contracts from top modelling agencies and career opportunities through partner businesses. But most importantly, the website dedicates itself to the noble cause of bringing two attractive people together. Since attractive men and women apparently earn 12% more money than their plainer counterparts, and are thought to be more successful, intelligent and employable, it’s no wonder that these exceptional specimens of the human race wish to stick together and create more successful, intelligent and employable offspring.

What’s that? Laughter? We may decide to mock the seemingly ridiculous quirks of our beauty-obsessed society, but I wonder – how many of you now will be tempted to see if you qualify?