Over the weekend, the newspapers were cluttered with discussions of consensual sex and rape. Now that we’re somewhere between the end of football season and the beginning of party season, it seems it’s the right time for young women to be sit down and given the annual pep talk on the innate monstrosity of the male species and that consent is simply a given after three in the morning. With rape allegations being hurled around in every direction, members of Australia’s beloved football culture have voiced some very interesting claims. Retired AFL star Peter Everitt took to Twitter to eloquently declare:
“Girls!! When will you learn! At 3am when you are blind drunk & you decide to go home with a guy ITS NOT FOR A CUP OF MILO!”
Whether or not we agree with Everitt’s logic, such widely held opinions indicate an unrelenting attitude towards men and sex. This is not the common argument that women deliberately dress provocatively and sough out such men, especially famed and rugged football stars. The argument is that women should be aware of every man’s brutal and predatory nature. Women are lectured to avoid putting themselves into vulnerable positions, sometimes of excessive inebriation or of simply being alone in a room full of men with a drink in her hand, in order to avoid falling victim to the helpless, vulturous instincts of half the population. It is entirely a woman’s duty to avoid being placed in such situations because, let’s face it, men will be men.
The idea of women being taught to fear men and to see sex as something to be fiercely defended rather than enjoyed or even pursued is rather gloomy. Young men should be educated just as much, if not more so than women on matters of sexual conduct, but the idea that all men are helpless brutes is deeply ingrained into our thinking. Such ideas are not only grossly derogatory to men, they grant justification for the very few who do behave in such ways, and this defence, sadly, seems to cross most cultural divides.
See also: Footy Gods
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| Cartoon by Cathy Wilcox in the SMH over the weekend |
Stunning article load with so much thruth! I don't have much to say, but really have to agree. Men (most) have that same mentality, but of course there are the exceptions!
ReplyDeleteAll I can say is, its unfair all around.
ReplyDeleteWomen who through themselves at celebrities expecting respect, celebrities expecting women to gush over them, lawyers who stare at twitter/fb/and any other media looking for the big lawsuits.
I admit I taught my daughter never to be in a room alone with a bunch of men. Its a set up for disaster - all the way around. The presense of alcohol doesn't give anyone - male or female - the right to act like an ass.
But, the world is what it is. I'm not sure how to change that attitude.
.....dhole
Val, I agree that men need to be educated on respecting women and correct sexual conduct. A girl being alone and drunk is not any excuse for them to take advantage of her. There's never an excuse and they need to be taught that.
ReplyDeleteAt the same time, girls do need to have common sense. It's not that ALL men are brutes, it's that SOME men are. And to err on the side of caution is a good idea. For example, I never get into the car of a guy I don't know. Even if he's genuinely just offering me a ride somewhere, I never get into his car. Because he might be totally safe but what if he isn't?
Some simple common sense and street smarts is necessary for every girl.
Jai
Common sense isnt so common anymore..
ReplyDeleteWomen no longer teach their daughters about respecting their bodies and safeguarding their virtue. Men no longer teach their sons that a woman is to be respected at all times. A general breakdown of society then?
Making harsh laws and punishments will not stop this happening...who's making considered judgements at 3am with a belly full of booze and a near unconscious woman at their feet?
Few men are rapists, but it only takes one. Predators seek out the vulnerable. You don't lock your door when you go out because you think all your neighbours are potential thieves.
ReplyDeleteI guess there are some basic biological mechanism underlying everything, for males and females respectively,and for all species of mammals. Throughout history, homo sapiens have learnt to act according to certain rules of civilization. Most men obey these rules, but a few don't, unfortunately
ReplyDeleteCold As Heaven
Things are changing, when I think of my 16 year old daughter and her friends, it's the girls that are more dangerous drunk at 3.00am in the morning.
ReplyDeleteI think women should be feared as much as men!
Interesting post. I was brought up to be sensible and mindful of being in situations that I couldn't walk away from. That's not the same as being scared of men, but just a recognition that some men are pillocks and may mistake my intentions. But I do expect a 'no' to be 'no', regardless of how drunk I am.
ReplyDeleteThis is very well stated, especially your final paragraph. We, as a society, also fail to acknowledge that women can -on occasion- be abusive as well.
ReplyDeletexo
Very well argued - I hadn't heard about any of those news stories but I find the whole situation terribly sad.
ReplyDeleteRespect has to be taught in the home from an early age. I remember so well the rule was "She must always be treated like a lady"...and it was hammered home.
ReplyDeleteI'm especially appreciative of Madame DeFarge's comment, and appreciative of your post.
As usual a controversial topic dealt with thoughtfully
ReplyDeleteVery interesting post...Hmm (thinking)
ReplyDeleteA few years back a women's organization publicised that women seeking shelter from abusive men went up during events like the Super Bowl. It was a false assertion and not supported by facts, but it put more light on what people expected to believe about men.
ReplyDeleteMen walk a tight-rope between needing a certain level of assertiveness to demonstrate they are interested in a woman and convey some level of confidence which most women, not all, find attractive, among other things. We (men) can easily misinterpret non-verbal communication from women and make mistakes in our approach. From personal experience, I am more highly responsive when it is the woman who first demonstrates some level of interest in me.
The bottom line is that intimacy between two people when it is consensual is one of the most wonderful of life's experiences.